I Hate Alan Cohen! (and so can you!)

Ever watch a few hours of Lockdown and then go out in public and look around at the people around you? I’m watching nothing but cartoons from now on. (This from someone who’s spent lots of time interviewing inmates in various local jails.)

Seriously. Everyone around me looks like a fucking child-molester. It’s definitely not a good thing and I really think there’s only one rational way to handle this: I’m never letting my future kids out of the house. Ever.

There’s nothing like the smell of chlorox in the morning… To me.  Seriously. For some bizarre reason, every day my bathroom smells like someone walked around in a drunken stupor repainting my walls with urine.  I just don’t get it.  I thought maybe there was some sort of large-bladdered rodent with a pissed-off disposition helping himself to my floors, but that doesn’t seem to check out.  I’d blame it on being drunk, but I don’t drink, and I sure as hell don’t pee on the walls.  Yeah. I just don’t get it.  Luckily, I found a solution…  Chlorox Toilet Scrub.

Now, I still don’t know what caused it so I don’t know if I’m just masking the situation or not, but I use that stuff almost daily.  I’m not even sure it’s that healthy to be honest.  What I do know is that by the time I’m done in there in the morning, you could eat off the damn toilet.  I may have issues, but I got a clean damn toilet at that!

As I realize the number of people who are reading this has to be in the negative numbers, I’m going to spare myself of the normal diatribe that normally accompanies this type of thing (you’re going to have to take my word for it) and just get right to the point.

To the people sitting in the booth in front of me in Panera’s:  Stop sucking each other’s face.  Seriously.  I don’t care how in love you are with each other or how much he’s your everything or she’s your boo.  Knock it off. Its nauseating trying to do pretty much of anything while the two of you basically are a step away from birthing some retarded kid in front of me.

By the way Kitty, I’m pretty certain dude was here with some ho du jour last week, so…  Yeah.

***Quick Postscript***

I’m pretty sure she’s Jewish. Fuck!! We just lost another one.